


Even the Darkest Stars

by Verycoolkraut



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Accidental Death, Angst, Beauyasha if you squint, But only kind of the mighty nein they don't really do anything, Caleb thoughts, Cussing, Depression, F/M, Fighting, Probably incorrect d&d spell mechanics, Suicidal Thoughts, maybe dead character who knows, not me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21565858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verycoolkraut/pseuds/Verycoolkraut
Summary: Caleb has doubts about his usefulness, and has a rash idea
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I've never written a fic or anything for that matter be mean just not too mean plz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb has doubts about his usefulness in the Mighty Nein, and damn he hates being a "liability".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea came to my head and I couldn't get it out so here, probably gonna be short chapters enjoy the angsty stuff I suppose

It’s a bitter cold night in the Xorasian Mountains, each of the Nein huddled close together in a pile of bedrolls and blankets. Caleb sits by the edge of their bubble, watching as the pile of bodies rise and fall with each breath, trying to focus on something that will get him out of his head. But he can’t hide it from himself anymore, can’t hide it from the others either, he knows he’s a liability to the group. It’s honestly a surprise they haven’t ditched him while he was sleeping (Nott probably wouldn’t let them, come to think of it). Caleb carefully takes off his jacket along with his book holster and lays them down on the ground near the sleeping mass of the Nein, and flips to a blank page of his spellbook. 

Dear Nott; You were my only friend in years when you found me. I’m sorry I failed to fulfill my promise to you, but I’m sure you’ll be able to find a more accomplished wizard. Please know that I love you and don’t feel guilty about this, and please don’t cry for me.  
Dear Fjord; I am comfortable knowing that the Nein are in capable hands with you around. I always wanted to be brave like you but, well, I am not brave. I am sorry that you have had to see me in my most pathetic moments but, well, that’s me.  
Dear Beauregard; You taught me to open up with the others, and for that I am thankful. My regret in doing so, however, is burdening you and the rest of the group with my issues, but thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry I was so self-centered, and I’m sorry I ruined moods.  
Dear Cadeuceus; You are the wisest person I have had the honor of meeting. I truly hope that your graveyard is fixed, and I hope you can find your family again. I’m sorry I never truly opened up to you, and I’m sorry we never had a chance to bond over your dead-people tea.  
Dear Yasha; I know you are not here now, but I ask the others will show you this note. You are a quiet source of strength, and always felt comfortable talking with you, awkward person to awkward person. I am sorry I never tried helping you with your past, when you tried comforting me about mine.  
Dear Jester; Oh Jester, you are truly light, if not the sun itself. Constant producer of joy and fun, it felt impossible to be sad when you were around. Thank you for teaching me to be able to feel happiness again, thank you for teaching me to love again. I am truly sorry I never confessed my feelings to you. 

A small teardrop lands under Jesters name. Caleb wipes his stray tears away and rips out the page from his book, and gingerly places it atop Jesters steadily rising and falling chest. Standing up, Caleb walks out of his bubble, feeling it dissipate as he exits. Please, don’t let them be harmed tonight, he thinks to himself, not pausing his strides. He doesn’t need to walk far before he finds a good location. Even with the whipping winds, the view from the top of the cliff is gorgeous. The rise and fall of the landscape reaching past the mountains, the steady snowfall, what looks like nothing for miles.  
He steps to the edge of the overhanging cliff, and looks down and dear gods that’s a long drop. He hisses under his breath, “What am I doing?” Before stepping back from the ledge. “What the fuck am I thinking? This is a stupid idea, fuck, Widogast, you gotta screw your head back on”. Caleb turns away from the ledge, preparing to walk back to the camp and scheisse they’re probably cold and maybe awake fuck, when a frantically screaming and running Jester appears from behind the wall of snow the storm seems to have constructed. “CALEB NO STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING DON’T DO IT PLEASE WAIT!” And the shock of the piercing cry of the tiefling running towards him is enough to make him fall back of fairly standard instinct, make a leetle bit of extra distance between this ball of chaos an-  
Oh. Oh. Caleb realizes a second too late that there is no ground behind him to retreat onto and, oh gods he's falling this is bad, he reaches for his feather in his co-  
Oh. He left his coat at the camp with the others and oh, Jester is reaching out to try and catch him but she's too far away and he's falling too fast and oh. This is it, isn't it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Caleb dead? Is he ok? We'll see I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second perspective of the discovery of the absence of Caleb Widogast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess I am writing another chapter and I'm a little curious where this is going to go now

Jester was having a very odd dream, it almost felt like the Traveller was trying to get her to do something but she didn't know _what_. Suddenly, she was thrown awake among the resting pile of the Mighty Nein, a small piece of parchment gliding off of her chest onto the ground. She easily recognizes the elegant handwriting of Caleb across the page and she takes a moment to read it. __

_ _"Wait", she says after reading the note. "Wait, wait, wait, nononono GUYS GET UP FIND CALEB!" She cries as the meaning of the note kicks in, and she finds herself scrambling to her feet, running into the snowy landscape keeping an eye out for any signs of Caleb-life forms. _ _

_ _As she begins making her way away from the rest of the Nein, a couple of voices call from behind her. "Hey, Jessie, what's going on?" Or other statements of the like. It's not often that Jester gets annoyed, and it's definitely not often that Jester gets angry at the rest of the group. Right now, though?_ _

_ _She's pretty angry_ _

_ _"GET UP AND HELP ME FIND CALEB!" Is all she bothers to respond with before walking further through the storm. Thank the Traveller, she found some Caleb-sized footprints very quickly and followed them for a few minutes, occasionally tripping and falling into the snow. She could hardly feel her fingers or toes but _she didn't give a fuck Caleb is about to kill himself and that's NOT happening.____ _

_ _ _ _She breaks through the thick clouds of snow, and sees perched near the edge of a cliff Caleb. She stumbles towards him and as soon as she has the energy to, let's out a cry that he's sure to hear, even when she's choking on her own tears. "CALEB NO STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING DON'T DO IT PLEASE WAIT!" Jester knows Caleb heard her, she can tell by the startled look he gives her and the step he takes away from her and _oh Traveller he took a step away from her there's nowhere to step_. Jester dashes to his position on the overhanging rock, but just a second too late. She reaches out for him, but he's not there anymore, and she looks down over the edge of the cliff and oh _fuck_ he's falling and he doesn't have any of his spell components on him and _fuck_ what can she do to save him and _FUCK_ WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE NEIN?_________ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"CALEB!", Is all she's able to cry out before he vanishes into the snowy abyss below her, out of sight. Suddenly, from behind her emerges the rest of the Nein emerge from the snowstorm and get near to Jester, who is still being wracked by sobs of grief. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Oh _shit_" mumbles Beau, a shared sentiment throughout the Nein.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter like the first, but I guess that means there'll just have to be more chapters.
> 
> I promise y'all won't have to wait a month for a couple words next chapter :|


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh _shit_", muttered Beau, before she stood, looked Nott in her big, lemon eyes, and said to her with obviously faked casualness, "Hey, you know that spell that makes people fall slow, right? Caleb's casted it a couple of times, did he teach you it?" As the question continued it became more interrogative than curious.__

_ _Nott was not holding it together nearly as well as Beau was, tears were leaking down the goblins face and she was being wracked by sobs over her best friend. "I-I-yeah, I- he taught me how to (_sniff_) do th- that one." Her usually loud, reedy voice uncharacteristically quiet and nasally. "Wh- wait- are you suggesting that we-"___ _

_ _ _ _"Jump after him? Yes" Beau finished Nott's statement. She looked around at the rest of the Nein and saw she was met with many faces of equal confusing and disbelief. "What? You guys just want to _leave him?_"___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"I mean-" Fjord sputters out._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"NO, YOU GUYS!" Jester cries out to the others, "WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT HELPING CALEB? NOTT PLEASE JUST CAST THE SPELL!" Jester is almost less crying more screaming now (but she's still crying more than screaming). _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"Hey, if you guys don't want to come then cast it on Jessie and I because we're fucking going after him", Beau remarks at the rest of the group, dispassion growing as they continue to hesitate. "Listen, he was like, no, he _is_ like a brother to me. If you expect me to abandon him because you all think he's dead then you're wrong. I am going, with or without the rest of you." Beau steps out of the semicircle that was around the edge of the cliff and she joins Jester closer to the edge of the cliff. Both Beau and Jester are staring daggars at Nott.___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Al- alright, but some of us have to stay behind, I can only cast it on 3 of us." Nott says. I- I don't think I should go... But you should decide amongst yourselves who wants to go."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Collecting herself, Jester tries speaking evenly to the rest of the group. "Beau and I are going. Someone can come if they'd like to." It comes out in a very flat, uneffected tone that Jester is a little proud of herself for. She quickly banishes the thought. An uncomfortable silence takes hold of the party, and for a moment Jester fears that it will only be her and Beau going after him, but Yasha steps out of the circle and approaches the two of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She turns to the rest of the group as she takes the side of Jester and Beau, and says, "Caleb helped us a lot when we were in tough spots. He deserves better than being left for dead." She deadpans at the rest of the group, before ending it with "that means I want to go." _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Seeing the three of them standing by the edge of the cliff, she steps up and asks the three of them, "are you positive you want to do this?" She is met with three immediate affirmatives to he question. "Well... Alright. Um, if, if you find him, even if he's dead and you can't get him back, can you.. can you bring him? I just, I want to see him again..." Before pulling out the feather from a pocket in her cloak, muttering a final "good luck" before casting the spell and pushing them off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _\-------------------------------------_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Caleb is falling, the last he saw was the form of Jester leaning over the edge of the cliff. And then he fell into the storm. Even though he's sure he doesn't have any components, he can't help but drive his hands into every one of his pockets in the hope that he's left a feather somewhere. He's halfway through his coat pockets, maybe it's in his- suddenly, everything is black._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "rescue party" find Caleb, and they also find themselves a compromising situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's worth noting that these are all un-beta'd if you couldn't tell

The travel down the cliff was lengthy, lasting nearly an entire minute of falling through mostly snow, where the only evidence of each other was the fact that they were all holding hands. Finally, a break in the storm was seen and the (presumably) lifeless corpse of Caleb Widogast lies on the rock and snow, a spattering of blood around his point of impact. 

"Oh fuck you guys" Jester started. "He—he looks— he looks like–"

"He looks like he's dead as shit, Jessie, but he'll be fine. You're here and you got your diamond, right?" Beau questions, "you _can_ bring him back, Jessie," Less of a question, more of plead. The three ladies eventually hit the ground near to Caleb's point of impact and together they rush towards his body. Taking hold of her holy symbol, Jester prays a quick incantation the traveler and releases a small amount of healing into Caleb, hoping it would be enough to revive him.__

_ _The healing seeps into his corpse, and the three women are dismayed when no sign of life is shown. "Ooh no guys.. he's dead, like _dead_ dead," Jester says before she breaks into tears burying her face in his coat.___ _

_ _ _ _While Jester cries into Caleb, she feels a strong hand take residence on her shoulder before hearing the gentle, calming voice of Yasha, saying, "Jester, he will be fine— you're a very good cleric, you can bring him back. Beau and I are here for you.." Her hand falls off of her shoulder as Jester collects herself and pulls away from Caleb._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _"You guys are right," she says, "he'll be fine. He'll be ok," she says as she begins digging through her pouch for her diamonds. " You guys are right, I just need to cast this spell and he'll be fine, right?" She finds her diamonds and pulls them out while she continues her nervous rambling. "Because I'm a pretty cool cleric and, and, and the Traveller is the coolest god! He wouldn't let me down, he wouldn't let Caleb down. He wouldn't let us down." She places the diamond along Caleb's corpse like the Traveller told her to once in a dream where he came to her. She takes a deep breath and turns to her friends saying "this is going to take me a little while guys, about an hour. Just so you know." She's turns back around, not awaiting a response and begins speaking her prayers to the Traveler._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Near 50 minutes pass with the three of them being cold, though not cold enough for it to be crippling in any way to the three of them. From behind them, a faint snarling noise is heard and Beau and Yasha together whip their heads around, seeing a small pack of 6 wolves wolves baring their teeth to them and showing all signs of aggression. Beau and Yasha slowly pull out their staff and sword respectively and Beau leans towards Jester, whispering into her ear, "don't lose focus," before turning her attention back to the wolves who now are closing in on their position. Beau turns to Yasha and gives a her a curt nod before the two of them rush towards the pack._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _With a crack of her staff, Beau slams one of the wolves in the head and sends it recoiling backwards. Yasha follows suit and cleaves into the back of one of the wolves, burying her sword a couple of inches into it. It doesn't take long for the wolves to overcome the initial shock of being charged, and they leap towards Beau. She is able to deflect and dodge 3 of her assailants but the fourth launces itself at her and plants it's teeth into her forearm while 2 wolves latch onto Yasha's arms and legs, though they are quickly shaken off and thrown several feet away from her. Using her unoccupied hand, Beau rips a wicked punch to the wolf gnawing on her arm and the crack of it's jaw is audible as it dislodges from her arm and falls limp in the snow near her feet. Yasha brings her sword up again and cuts back into the already wounded wolf, cutting it in half this time. The remaining wolves turn on Beau and leap at her. She manages to duck under the first, but it's quickly assaulted by the other 3, bitten in both arms and just below her neck._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Everything starts feeling hazy and slow for Beau, and she's only able to unclasp the jaws around her neck and kicks the wolf away from her. Yasha lets out a furious roar and charges towards the wolves harassing Beau, cutting the head clean off of one of them and impaling the other through it's side. Beau swoons a little bit, but can't focus on anything other than the fact that she feels like dying. A brief thanks is muttered before she turns to see one of the wolds making it's way to Jester's form, still casting _raise dead_ on Caleb. As the wolf dashes by her and Yasha, it's smacked in the face by Beau's staff and cut near it's tail by Yasha. The wolf is spiked to the ground and snarls up at Beau, launching itself towards her and being deflected by her staff. From behind her, however, the second wolf captured the back of Beau's neck between it's teeth, and and Beau feels the consciousness seep of her like blood. The last she hears is the roar of Yasha, and everything goes dark.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Yasha, with renewed fury, quicky dispatches of the already wounded wolf with a well placed stomp on the side of it's head, crushing it. She then reaches to the wolf around Beau's neck, pulling it off of her before grabbing both sides of it's jaw and pulling them apart. Jester is still praying over Caleb's body, and Yasha runs to Beau's side, sending healing into her neck while she watches the wounds slowly close. Beau opens her eyes after a moment, and sees Yasha hovering over her, hands on her neck and chest._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _As unfitting as it is for the current situation, Beau can't help but chuckle a little and say, "this is kinda hot." A light blush and a chuckle comes from Yasha as she helps her up off of the ground._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"Are you ok?" Yasha questions._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Beau releases herself from Yasha's support and flexes her arms, "yep, never better," she relaxes her muscles and breaths out a sigh of relief. "That was a little close, how's Jessie doin'?" In unison the two girls look to Jester and see that she has stopped praying and instead she has her head turned in their direction and is talking to them._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"We need to make offerings, if either of you have stuff to give do it now," she says before turning back to Caleb and muttering, "please," before turning back to the two of them. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears, and Yasha steps forward and kneels before Caleb._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"Um, hello Caleb. I'm not sure if you can hear me but if you can, then please come back– I still need to practice shaving people with my sword, and if you're not here, who can I be antisocial with? Please, Caleb, I miss you." She pulls out a small carving of a cat and lays it on Caleb's chest, before backing away._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Beau steps up to Caleb, and knees similarly to Yasha. "Hey, you fucker," she starts with, "I need you, you're like my brother man, and you can't just go like this." Beau blinks back tears that she definitely can't let the others see. "I'm begging you man, empire sibling to empire sibling, come back to me, to _us_." She takes out the magician card from Molly's tarot deck and places it near Yasha's cat, before stepping away from him. ___ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Jester looks at his face, dead and lifeless, before leaning closer to him. "Hi Caleb," she starts, and tears are already threatening to spill uncontrollably from her eyes. "So, I'm here with Beau and Yasha, we came to save you cuz we're cool like that, y'know?" She speaks with forced cheerfulness and comedy, "Caleb I, I really like you and-and," her composure starts to break as she struggles to continue. "Caleb I don't know what I'd do without you, I love making you laugh and smile and, and doing pranks with you and I, I, Caleb," she lowers her head towards his, "I love you, please don't leave." She presses her head to his chest for a moment, and then pulls back up to give him a light kiss on the forehead. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _The diamonds glow bright, unnaturally bright, magically bright, and around them they feel the wind pick up, swirling around them and Caleb before the diamond shatter on his chest. The wind dies, and the diamonds lose the magical glow, and everything is silent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little longer I kinda want to get them longer than this though what do you all think


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb's POV of the little escapade half of his group experienced on his behalf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out, I was a little busy. Anyways, hope it's worth the wait. Enjoy!

Caleb wakes with a start, sitting up from his lying position. He takes a look around his snowy surroundings, seeing snow all around him, whipping winds, and, _himself?_ He recalls the events of the past few seconds and looks between his phantom body and his physical body, lying in the snow. __

_ _From a nearby tree, a Raven caws in his direction before taking flight towards him. The black birds form shifts into a tall, slender woman dressed in a long, black cloak. A perfectly neutral porcelain mask covers her face, and he can hear her talk almost inside of his head._ _

_ _"Well, that's a little embarrassing isn't it?" The woman asks, still not moving any part of her face. "Caleb Widogast, Hero of the Krynn Dynasty, falls to his death." Her voice isn't mocking, just stating a fact._ _

_ _"I was never any hero", Caleb says while his gaze is lost on his own body. "I was never a very good person either.." his mind flashes back to just a moment ago, the fear, sadness, and desperation on Jester's face as she ran at him. Oh gods, he made that stupid note. Looking back at it he really wishes he didn't, what was the point of confessing your love to some right before you fucking kill yourself? What if she thinks he killed himself because he loved her? _schiesse,_ what if she blames herself for his death? Like she did Molly's? Fuck, the more he thinks about it the more he realizes this was an awful fucking idea. Why couldn't he be this clear headed half an hour ago? Well, what does it matter anymore, he's dead. He killed himself.___ _

_ _ _ _While he's busy nagging himself in his mind, he doesn't notice the figures falling through the air above him at a considerably slower rate that he did. Oh schiesse, Jester's here, with Beau and Yasha. If they want to bring him back..._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _"Ah, would you look at that", he hears the soft voice in his head. "It appears that your friends value more than you value yourself". Caleb wanted to groan, or scream, or both. He didn't really know what he wanted to do but he did know that if they brought him back it would be an incredibly awkward reunion. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _"Um. Ja. I guess—i guess they do, don't they." He watches them run up to his body, and he has to look away as his—_not his, definitely not his_—leetle Tiefling skids to her knees by his side, crying. He hears her unmistakable accent after a moment and it hurts more than anything he's ever experienced. Worse than the crystals, worse than the torture, worse than the pare-, ok, maybe not the worst second worst.___ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _"_Ooh no guys.. he's dead, like dead dead_", Caleb squeezes his eyes shut as he hears her sob out her realization. He thinks he hears Beauregard say something, and maybe Yasha, but he couldn't bother himself to hear them, too busy trying to tune out Jester's sobs for him, _oh gods, this is because of him, she's crying for him_._____ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _After a moment he hears some more coherent words from Jester's lips, _"this is going to take me a little while guys, about an hour. Just so you know"_. What's going to take about an hour? His curiosity gets the best of him and he can't resist taking a peek at what she was talking about. He sees her pull the large diamond out of her bag, 500 gold worth, _500 gold, I'm not worth that much_, he thinks._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Almost as if the woman could hear his thoughts, she said to him, "not worth it? You say? Perhaps to you, but not to them. If you intend on returning to them I suggest you get an idea of what you'd like to say. If you wish to leave them, you know where to find me." Caleb turns towards where he remembers her being to ask her where he would find her, but she's gone. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Ah _schieße_, this is really the situation you've put yourself in isn't it." A few minutes of Caleb barraging himself with comments on his own stupidity, his mind interrupt him with a slightly more relevant task at hand. What is he going to do? He could stay here, dead, that's an option now that he's already here. Maybe he can finally rest a little, maybe—_"mutter und vater"_, he whispers under his breath. They're here, he just has to leave, leave his new friends, leave his friends that went through all of this trouble just to get him back. Gods, this is horrible. It seems he gets absolutely lost in his internal debate that he hardly hears the snarling noises of several wolves. He quicky glaces upwards towards the location of his friends and seeing Beauregard and Yasha currently beginning an engagement with 6 of the snow wolves on this mountain, _sechs von ihnen_. He trusts his friends and their abilities to handle themselves but this is no easy fight. _______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Once it starts, everything happens so fast. Beau and Yasha quickly shoot off some attacks, wounding a couple of the wolves, but they quickly retaliate and pounce on the two fighters. Caleb runs over to one of the wolves that is trying to pick itself up and kicks it as hard as he can. Well, he kicks _through_ it, makes sense since he is a fucking ghost. Only a few of the wolves are left, but they home in on Beau and before long she is losing consciousness, fast. It's painful watching his friend be torn into while being absolutely helpless, but he guesses this is kind of punishment too, right? Yasha's fury is released upon the fall of Beauregard, and she makes quick work of the remaining wolf of two. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He's decided that he can't leave them, not after all they've gone through to save him. He groans, he really does need to plan out what to say to them now, but that's, that's not very easy. There aren't very many words to say. _thanks for saving me? That was some impressive wolf killing? Sorry for fucking KILLING MYSELF?_ This was quite the dilemma indeed. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It's not nearly as long as he'd like before he heard their voices again. It's Jester's, of course, _"We need to make offerings, if either of you have stuff to give do it now. please."_ The vulnerability that ebbed from her plea was almost enough to bring him to tears. _this is all your gott verdammt fault_. He supposed, however, that what they were about to say was going to be important and he should actually listen to _them_ instead of his stupid fucking head._______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Yasha walks up to him, no, his corpse (still wierd to think about), and talks about practicing shaving with her sword and being antisocial. Gods, that hurts, especially coming from quiet Yasha. She pulls out the smallest, most adorable wood carving of a cat he's ever seen and lays it on his chest, before she backs away. He sees Beauregard walk up towards him, very obviously keeping herself more composed than she-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Hey, you fucker,"_ he can't help but let out a little chuckle. He doesn't think, and he certainly hopes, that Beauregard will never change. She talks about loving him like her brother, and she needs him. He feels like he's intruding on them talking about him. He shakes the thought out of his head as she lays one of _Molly's tarot cards_ on his chest, next to the carving. _please, this is enough,_ he thinks, he really doesn't want to hear what Jester has to say to him. Probably nothing too great, mostly obligatory, but he sees her finding words, and he knows he has to listen to this. ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Hi Caleb,"_ she already sounds so _sad_, gods, she must be so disappointed in him and it hurts to think about it. _So, I'm here with Beau and Yasha, we came to save you cuz we're cool like that, y'know?"______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He lets a tear slip out from behind his eyes, not able to hold it back. "You really are. You're, you're all so cool", is all he can think of saying I to his hands, biting on them so hard to stop himself from crying anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Caleb I, I really like you and-and,"_ gods this _hurts_, maybe this is worse than his parents because it's happening right in front of him. _"Caleb I don't know what I'd do without you, I love making you laugh and smile and, and doing pranks with you and I, I, Caleb, I love you."________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Oh. _Oh_, that's a punch in the gut, and his floodgates open. He couldn't hold it back anymore if he tried, and he certainly wasn't trying. Any idea of what he was going to say upon waking up was absolutely destroyed, lost in his mind that was currently seeming to go up in flames. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"Please don't leave."_ She quietly begs him.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _"I won't," he chokes through his sobs that are currently wracking his body. "I promise I won't leave you, ever." It takes him a moment to collect himself but he musters up the strength to even his voice and make it powerful enough for himself to be heard. "Raven, I've made up my mind. I am going back to them."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Although no form was seen, he could hear her familiar voice inside of his head. "Very well, I suppose we will meet each other another time, Herr Widogast."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll try to get more chapters out more frequently than this.
> 
> Also I think I should probably put the mature rating on this fic I think I shouldve done that from the start but lmk


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